Bye 2017

For everyone, I think 2017 was honestly crappy. It was. But I also believe that it’s given me a whole new change and perspective on life, and myself. I’ve had so many new experiences and met so many new people. I’ve come to realizations about myself and others. I’ve reconnected with people and I lost others.

I know that this year generally was “hard” and the “worst” for everyone, but I think it was the most changing for myself. Lately, I have not been so great when it comes to posting my poetry and other things, I know that the Christmas break is one part of the procrastination. However, I’ve been experiencing some emotional things in my life. Mentally I feel as if I get depressed, sad, and the loss of motivation. Sometimes I’ll be mentally drained that it’s too hard or too much to do anything. It’s something I struggle with a lot and I usually don’t talk about. I get self-conscious and I worry about making something great and good to place in a public space. I don’t want to label it or make it seem like I’m the only one with this problem. I know other people go through that. Even now I’m not fully explaining how I feel and other anxiety issues I have. But that’s for another time. I think these emotions and stressfulness has a lot to do with the way the world is now. College scars us 18 to 25 year olds, and exerts so much stress on us. And the answer to that is just to “deal with it” or “That’s how life is”. No, it doesn’t have to be like that. 

Maybe 2018 can give us a new start to make something wonderful in life. To make life not shitty for ourselves. That is one thing I want to do for myself. 2017 has taken so much from me and given so much back. And I want to reflect on the great things that have happened in 2017.

First off 2017 gave me the chance to travel outside the states. I had the wonderful opportunity to go visit my Dad and my step Mom in Okinawa, Japan. I still can’t believe I got to experience a culture like Japan’s. To this day I still miss it and I can’t wait to go back this summer. I know for sure we’re going to go to Thailand or another country for 2 weeks. I recommend that everyone should go experience a new culture and travel someday in their lives. Everyone needs to leave the US for a vacation at some point. I got to taste the difference of the air, feel the sun’s warmth with a different welcome.

I know I met my boyfriend in 2016, but in 2017 he has always been there with me. I cant think of a time when we were apart. He’s made me realize some things about myself and has brought out the greatness in me. I know this may be sappy but it’s true that someone you care about really does bring out the best in you. He’s my punching bag, he’s my teddy bear, he’s the ear that I talk to, he’s the person that makes me laugh so hard I start crying and I forget all the bad things that happened. I hope I’ve done the same for him as much as he’s done for me. This brings me to my wonderful roommates that I lived with in 2017 and the many people I met through them. They brought me out of my introverted shell and given me a whole new relationship with myself and others.

Three highlights of the year would have to be the fact that I got to see The Garden, Mac Demarco, and The Shins all in this year. YES, I DID! I have to say that I’m proud of myself for buying those tickets. It is so fucking amazing that they all decided to stop by Austin to do a show. It was like the Gods of Music smiled down at me and said, “Hollie you deserve this”. This goes to show that 2017 did have something to put up.

In the second half of 2017 gave me the chance to do what I want in a college. I gave back myself the chance to write, which is one of my greatest passions. It’s the main tool I use to cope with things in my life. One of my greatest fears is losing my memory which is why I write in a journal.  I have so many thoughts and words to say and I found that writing was the way to channel all the sounds in my head. This blossomed my nick for writing poetry.

From what I can remember this has been my 2017 in a wrap-up. I’m sure a lot of other stuff has happened but I’m going to move on from that. Starting off…I want to be better at writing poetry and with music. I did a song recently, fully done and cleaned. I’ll decide when to post it on here. But yes, that is one new thing that has led up to this new year. I will make more songs soon! Sorry if this post seemed like a ramble.

I hope you all have entered 2018 with some grace, kisses, love, and happiness. And I wish for it to continue on.

H

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p.

 

Sometimes I stare at old pictures

not because of the memories but because

my mind likes to think and wonder

wonder where they are

did the mean to…

you know.

no, I never know

what to think in a situation of contact

So I resort to my photographs

My nice photographs

aligned by the edge

collaged in time.

But look at my photographs

Is there an admire, a thought that goes through your mind?

Do you ever wonder what happened after the pictures

and the last one there.

 

H

 

 

November: Monthly Catch up

Hello Everyone!

This month has been pretty eventful. There were so many birthdays including mine! There were concerts and friends trips and dinners. I got to see my family and listen to new music and movies. Of course, there was college filling in the gaps keeping me busy.

I think this was a pretty good month. This past Thanksgiving vacation was much needed. I am so thankful to have been able to spend time with my family. I think that giving yourself a rest from school and work is such an important thing for the mind and body. Its necessary for me, I get so stressed and overworked that I forget to give time for myself. Which is why I listen to a lot of music and new artists. It keeps my mind calm and functional. But that’s just me, music will always be a part of my life.

Continue reading “November: Monthly Catch up”

October: Where am I, What’s coming up

Hello

I have been thinking about setting a monthly update of where I am at the moment. So here is a new catch up with me.

Honestly, this month has been a downer, not just to me but for people around me. Some of my roommates and friends. Everyone has been facing a hard time and I think it just has to do with the month. Midterms are here and there deadlines for things. There are festivals and concerts happening which I had my share in. There’s stress, there’s homework, sometimes procrastinating and just enough time in a day.

It is everywhere. And sickness too.

Continue reading “October: Where am I, What’s coming up”

Pomegranate

For you, you seem alone, and I’ve known many like you

I’ve lived with many like you.

And I feel like you

Till I am not like you

Or me

 

And asked a question of how to see you.

The woven lungs and snowflakes hide the strain

And as you drain

and drain

 

The stains of mental drain is a blood bath

It cleans and gleams on the reflection of my iris

The expectations of the tenderness of skin and meat are so unlikely

It doesn’t tear but rather

breaks apart

 

They can’t bite the fact that this is what I am

The inedible definitions does not nurture their minds

Its dry and sticky and far from replenish

Swallow my teeth to see if it grows in thier head

And seasons bring the ripest one of all

 

Till again I am covered in my own blood.

 

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Stage 1

 

I strive and strive

And after I fake my way

there is still a crack and shapes my mould.

I can only perceive the heat that burns

and ice never seems to clam me down

maybe lavender might do the trick.

And lather it over the bathe

but still the skin cracks

and fills in

Must be from the tears and continued

collapse

 

H