Bye 2017

For everyone, I think 2017 was honestly crappy. It was. But I also believe that it’s given me a whole new change and perspective on life, and myself. I’ve had so many new experiences and met so many new people. I’ve come to realizations about myself and others. I’ve reconnected with people and I lost others.

I know that this year generally was “hard” and the “worst” for everyone, but I think it was the most changing for myself. Lately, I have not been so great when it comes to posting my poetry and other things, I know that the Christmas break is one part of the procrastination. However, I’ve been experiencing some emotional things in my life. Mentally I feel as if I get depressed, sad, and the loss of motivation. Sometimes I’ll be mentally drained that it’s too hard or too much to do anything. It’s something I struggle with a lot and I usually don’t talk about. I get self-conscious and I worry about making something great and good to place in a public space. I don’t want to label it or make it seem like I’m the only one with this problem. I know other people go through that. Even now I’m not fully explaining how I feel and other anxiety issues I have. But that’s for another time. I think these emotions and stressfulness has a lot to do with the way the world is now. College scars us 18 to 25 year olds, and exerts so much stress on us. And the answer to that is just to “deal with it” or “That’s how life is”. No, it doesn’t have to be like that. 

Maybe 2018 can give us a new start to make something wonderful in life. To make life not shitty for ourselves. That is one thing I want to do for myself. 2017 has taken so much from me and given so much back. And I want to reflect on the great things that have happened in 2017.

First off 2017 gave me the chance to travel outside the states. I had the wonderful opportunity to go visit my Dad and my step Mom in Okinawa, Japan. I still can’t believe I got to experience a culture like Japan’s. To this day I still miss it and I can’t wait to go back this summer. I know for sure we’re going to go to Thailand or another country for 2 weeks. I recommend that everyone should go experience a new culture and travel someday in their lives. Everyone needs to leave the US for a vacation at some point. I got to taste the difference of the air, feel the sun’s warmth with a different welcome.

I know I met my boyfriend in 2016, but in 2017 he has always been there with me. I cant think of a time when we were apart. He’s made me realize some things about myself and has brought out the greatness in me. I know this may be sappy but it’s true that someone you care about really does bring out the best in you. He’s my punching bag, he’s my teddy bear, he’s the ear that I talk to, he’s the person that makes me laugh so hard I start crying and I forget all the bad things that happened. I hope I’ve done the same for him as much as he’s done for me. This brings me to my wonderful roommates that I lived with in 2017 and the many people I met through them. They brought me out of my introverted shell and given me a whole new relationship with myself and others.

Three highlights of the year would have to be the fact that I got to see The Garden, Mac Demarco, and The Shins all in this year. YES, I DID! I have to say that I’m proud of myself for buying those tickets. It is so fucking amazing that they all decided to stop by Austin to do a show. It was like the Gods of Music smiled down at me and said, “Hollie you deserve this”. This goes to show that 2017 did have something to put up.

In the second half of 2017 gave me the chance to do what I want in a college. I gave back myself the chance to write, which is one of my greatest passions. It’s the main tool I use to cope with things in my life. One of my greatest fears is losing my memory which is why I write in a journal.  I have so many thoughts and words to say and I found that writing was the way to channel all the sounds in my head. This blossomed my nick for writing poetry.

From what I can remember this has been my 2017 in a wrap-up. I’m sure a lot of other stuff has happened but I’m going to move on from that. Starting off…I want to be better at writing poetry and with music. I did a song recently, fully done and cleaned. I’ll decide when to post it on here. But yes, that is one new thing that has led up to this new year. I will make more songs soon! Sorry if this post seemed like a ramble.

I hope you all have entered 2018 with some grace, kisses, love, and happiness. And I wish for it to continue on.

H

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December: Monthly Catch Up

Hey!

So currently I am on Christmas Break, which is pretty great considering I have almost a whole month of no school. I have time to do things, to read, write, make music, and do mostly nothing.

Now this month has been interesting- emotionally. I feel like that’s usually the case when it involves the beginning of the month, or towards the ending of the month. I know I have not been doing so great with my writing/blogging portion, but I have drafts that are waiting to be published, I’ve literally been taking a break and contemplating about a lot of things, which I should write down. I’ve also been thinking about changing the style of my blog, but that’s on the thinking block.

So Christmas was really nice! I did get great gifts and caught up with my family and friends. I always believed it was so weird having so many people in your home, with so much noise and questions. It still is weird. But besides that, we have the new year to look forward too. Yes, 2018. It is fascinating to think that the year has already come to an end. I can’t even remember some of the things that have happened, so many things that have been lost, gained, learned, failed, succeeded. 2017 has been a really long year for some of us. But one interesting thing for us Texans is that it snowed. 🙂

My family’s lives have changed, people are growing, they moved to a new house. I have a different room now, all empty and unlived in. I think I’ve gotten used to it all, even if the house is 30 minutes away from my hometown. That’s what makes it hard, to be far from my friends and boyfriend, and the closeness of them all.

I feel like this time would be perfect for me to keep working on my writing and music. My only problem is procrastination and no motivation. But I hope I can whip myself back to where I want to be. I’ve been listening to a lot of music and watching a lot of movies, so maybe there might be a spark of inspiration there.

I hope to hear from ya’ll in the next year! (don’t worry I’m not leaving)

H

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #12

Day 12: Write a poem in the perspective of a stranger

 

I see her staring at me.

She looks like she ought to be a person that always stares, I know how she feels.

I’m staring back.

I’ll go back to my ways. But, I wonder. What are the chances of seeing that person again?

I wonder how many people looked at me and thought the same thing. I doubt it.

But it’s a thought.

What are the odds that I will see that woman again, the staring woman?

I won’t give it another thought, let me go on my day.

But, did she think the same thing too-

there she goes walking away.

Hm, will she see me again?

 

H

 

30 Days of Poetry: Day #11

Day 11: Write a poem based on your favorite lyric

 

I am overcome by the process of living

With what they throw back and what I can catch

And I try to pull the buckets of tears over my sail

To take me out to the vastness.

And I see your arms and a stretch it made

From your skin brought a wave

Of a happy disaster, what a surprise.

And as the wave cast, Your sweat pushed me through,

To the undiscovered temples.

And your words salted my tongue and eyes

As bubbles orbed around me

And we floated past the waving grass.

 

H

 

“My life in an upturned boat, marooned on a cliff
You brought me a great big flood
And you gave me a lift
To care, what a gift
You tell me with your tongue
And your breath was in my lungs
And you float over the rift”

“Simple Song” by The Shins

30 Days of Poetry: Day #9

Day #9: write an honest poem about yourself, don’t hold anything back.

 

I relapse in my thoughts

And its a drug I can’t stop welcoming.

Don’t worry it’s not tangible, I can’t taste it, I can’t consume it.

Everyone has it. So I think it’s okay to feel this way.

 

I overthink and take too much time

To make a choice or to decide.

I tend to get mad, and days like this I stop everything.

People don’t know me to be crippled in cold,

but that means you don’t know me

 

I always get tired. I get tired of trying to be something.

I don’t care for crowds and loud people talking at the same time.

I prefer to be alone, or with one great person.

I feel that I can show you myself more

Otherwise, I won’t say much.

 

I force words out of my mouth and It feels like I’m throwing up acid

Becuase nothing sticks, it just burns a hole through an ear.

I can’t speak loud anyway and when I do

It’s always something wrong.

 

Then I stare at people

And I wish I could be you, him, her.

I wish I could feel pretty all the time and not let my jealous rage

make me angry for no reason.

I start to think I hate people.

 

I don’t realize this about me

I think I’ve earned to feel emotion and sadness from time to time

But all the time- that’s the issue.

It’s not good to drown others with me while I’m at it.

 

This isn’t an intervention, and I’m not trying to feel sorry for myself.

I don’t hate myself and I do find my company great.

I have grown to love my self, and I am learning to just

let it go.

 

I find myself cute and pretty. I find myself sexy.

I believe to be different.

I like the things I like, and I like how I give my heart and love and patience to many

I worry that I’ll get hurt. But I’ve been hurt many times before, not by a love

but from all.

 

But I always seem to still be here.

I’m here and so is everyone else.

I’m still working on myself and I haven’t figured out what is wrong sometimes.

 

I just know that there are so much more beautiful things to cry about.

 

H

 

 

 

November: Monthly Catch up

Hello Everyone!

This month has been pretty eventful. There were so many birthdays including mine! There were concerts and friends trips and dinners. I got to see my family and listen to new music and movies. Of course, there was college filling in the gaps keeping me busy.

I think this was a pretty good month. This past Thanksgiving vacation was much needed. I am so thankful to have been able to spend time with my family. I think that giving yourself a rest from school and work is such an important thing for the mind and body. Its necessary for me, I get so stressed and overworked that I forget to give time for myself. Which is why I listen to a lot of music and new artists. It keeps my mind calm and functional. But that’s just me, music will always be a part of my life.

Continue reading “November: Monthly Catch up”