Current Favorites video is hot now on Youtube! So go check it out to see what I’ve been digging lately ;). MORE VIDEOS TO COME!!! Possibly a terrible cover of a song!
(written in June)
I was in a living room, headphones in playing My Bloody Valentine’s Sometimes. Listening to this song, especially a song like this, it makes my heart/chest hurt, which is sort of a thing for me when a song really hits me. Being a music lover, I can tell if I will like or dislike a song, and sometimes if it is life-changing for me. Sometimes my taste ranges from
It has been a little more than a week since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Honestly, I’m tired. My trip took a lot of energy out of me and I decided to take a break for a bit. Get in tune with what to plan for the next posts and videos I want to do. My head always swarms with thoughts and ideas that its hard to figure out what I want to do and when I want to do it.
Being back in the states is so nice. I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel homesick at all but I was extremely homesick, up to a point where I was getting stressed out about it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved traveling and exploring new places and trying new things. I had a wonderful experience and I wish and hope that other people get to experience it in their own lives.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I look. Like a lot. During the vacation, I was constantly asked about my age and the fact that I don’t look like my own ethnicity. Everyone thought I was at least 3 or 4 years younger than my real age and that I looked Indian because of my nose ring and I guess the combination of my hair and my skin color. That got me thinking and feeling a lot more self-conscious about my appearance. I think I dress okay, I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I don’t do my hair that often.I’m 5’1 so that doesn’t help the problem.
But why is this a problem in the first place?
Let me just say, if you want to comment on my age around a time in my life that I am literally a young adult, please don’t. It does not make sense to tell a 20-year old that they look so young, wait till I’m 40.
Not only is this about age, but the physical appearance and my own battle of beauty do take a toll on me. Sometimes I wish I was older looking, that I was taller with a bigger butt, or that my hair can naturally be perfect when I wake up. Or if my nose didn’t have a bump in it or that my head wasn’t so tiny. These are terrible thoughts,
I stop myself and think, as cheesy as it sounds: You look badass
Because I do, we all do. I heard someone say, you shouldn’t change who you are you should grow. That is the answer.
Growing is so important. I am not the person who I was 2 years ago. Honestly, I’m anxious, scared, aware- but I’m alive and happier. I feel so beautiful. This time in my life is the best I’ve ever looked. My brother told me that every time I visit it looks like I’ve glowed up since the last time. That compliment stuck with me because he noticed the change. It made me realize growth.
We always worry about how we look, how we sound, how we are. It’s inevitable. Even if I do love and accept myself that does not tear away the factor that I can be sad, I can be unhappy, tired, and not my best. Everyone has their limits to what they can feel. Don’t blame yourself for the unwanted feeling of unhappiness. It’s okay to fall down an get hurt, but you have to get back up and continue. Take your time and grow. Change can be stagnant. We all know that growth comes with change and continuous development.
I wanted to put these words out here for myself and for others. I’ve been having a hard time understanding certain emotions I’ve been feeling and I want to break out of it. I hope I made sense and if not, just imagine that this is from my own personal journal. Journals never make sense.
I’m back now, ready for the last month of summer! Also, I want to try a new look for my Instagram; picture concepts, Videos provided, maybe some new songs I’ve been contemplating. I will have my weekly Songs of the Week, I didn’t forget 😉
I have come to the realization that I like to write about food. A lot.
Through my poetry, I almost always have something to say that involves food. It happens through a metaphor or a imagery that I come up from the start or serves as the centerpiece of my poetry.
There is something about food that I love. Doesn’t food make people happy? It can be rewarding, it can be uniting, it can complete, it can serve. Food can do a lot of things in our life. I know for a fact that when I get out of a class or it’s the end of the day, I am so grateful to finally be able to eat. It can either be with a friend or by myself, food is something that refreshes and fulfills an empty stomach.
I usually write about fruit. It’s easier to create a metaphor for the type of fruit I’m using. Since high school, I’ve always had an obsession with fruit. I would eat apples, strawberries, and bananas almost every day to maintain my sweet tooth. My best friend even decided to call me Babyfruit because of how much I would eat them.
Now that I think about it-I don’t have a full explanation why I use fruit or food in my poetry. It is one of the few things that has attached to my writing. I don’t give myself much credit because there is so much to improve on my writing. Writing is a process and always needs revision. Revision is the hardest for me, besides starting a poem.
I’ve been trying to observe my writing patterns and my stress has been prohibiting my creativity and inspiration. I’m in a stump where I have no idea what to write about. I still have not written a short story!
But, writing takes time! I have much to learn.