Where this Flower Blooms

Where this Flower Blooms

Back from traveling, body image, thoughts  

It has been a little more than a week since I’ve posted anything on my blog. Honestly, I’m tired. My trip took a lot of energy out of me and I decided to take a break for a bit. Get in tune with what to plan for the next posts and videos I want to do. My head always swarms with thoughts and ideas that its hard to figure out what I want to do and when I want to do it.

Being back in the states is so nice. I wasn’t sure if I was going to feel homesick at all but I was extremely homesick, up to a point where I was getting stressed out about it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved traveling and exploring new places and trying new things. I had a wonderful experience and I wish and hope that other people get to experience it in their own lives.

…..

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how I look. Like a lot. During the vacation, I was constantly asked about my age and the fact that I don’t look like my own ethnicity. Everyone thought I was at least 3 or 4 years younger than my real age and that I looked Indian because of my nose ring and I guess the combination of my hair and my skin color. That got me thinking and feeling a lot more self-conscious about my appearance. I think I dress okay, I don’t wear a lot of makeup and I don’t do my hair that often.I’m 5’1 so that doesn’t help the problem.

But why is this a problem in the first place?

Let me just say, if you want to comment on my age around a time in my life that I am literally a young adult, please don’t. It does not make sense to tell a 20-year old that they look so young, wait till I’m 40.

Not only is this about age, but the physical appearance and my own battle of beauty do take a toll on me. Sometimes I wish I was older looking, that I was taller with a bigger butt, or that my hair can naturally be perfect when I wake up. Or if my nose didn’t have a bump in it or that my head wasn’t so tiny. These are terrible thoughts,

I stop myself and think, as cheesy as it sounds: You look badass

Because I do, we all do. I heard someone say, you shouldn’t change who you are you should grow. That is the answer.

Growing is so important. I am not the person who I was 2 years ago. Honestly, I’m anxious, scared, aware- but I’m alive and happier. I feel so beautiful. This time in my life is the best I’ve ever looked. My brother told me that every time I visit it looks like I’ve glowed up since the last time. That compliment stuck with me because he noticed the change. It made me realize growth.

We always worry about how we look, how we sound, how we are. It’s inevitable. Even if I do love and accept myself that does not tear away the factor that I can be sad, I can be unhappy, tired, and not my best. Everyone has their limits to what they can feel. Don’t blame yourself for the unwanted feeling of unhappiness. It’s okay to fall down an get hurt, but you have to get back up and continue. Take your time and grow. Change can be stagnant. We all know that growth comes with change and continuous development.

I wanted to put these words out here for myself and for others. I’ve been having a hard time understanding certain emotions I’ve been feeling and I want to break out of it. I hope I made sense and if not, just imagine that this is from my own personal journal. Journals never make sense.

I’m back now, ready for the last month of summer! Also, I want to try a new look for my Instagram;  picture concepts, Videos provided, maybe some new songs I’ve been contemplating. I will have my weekly Songs of the Week, I didn’t forget 😉

 

H

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April:Monthly Catch Up

April:Monthly Catch Up

Some Favorites, New Projects, the end of the semester, whats going on…

I am writing this on the last of April. I planned to do this sooner, but it did not work out! Anyway, hello to the new Month of May. What we got coming up is my brothers birthday, mother’s day, dead week (for some), and the summer! For me this last week will be filled with exams and a quiz, but not to worry, the good thing is that I will get it done!

I can’t believe how fast and jam-packed this month has been. So many concerts, new projects, assignments, and events. I’m not even sure where to start!

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Febuary: Monthy Catch Up

Febuary: Monthy Catch Up

Although this month is short, it seems to me that it’s been going on for forever. I think I’ve been more stressed than I was last month and I think it has to do with the fact that there are few days in this month to work with. Even as the days seem long, time goes by too fast for me.

Where should I start..

This is the month of first exams so I’ve been swamped by unnecessary quizzes, information, and readings that I wish I could enjoy but my anxiousness doesn’t allow me. The main thing I’ve been looking forward to is SPRING BREAK. I want to for once get in a swimsuit and get into a pool, and at least have some warm weather for once! It’s dreary outside but sooner or later it will be scorching hot and I’ll be begging for the cold again.

I’ve been on the hunt to search for a new internship which is incredibly hard and annoying. I have some companies and places in mind, hopefully, they’ll be looking for a 20-year-old with somewhat experience. I work for the Fine Arts Career Services as a MArking Assistant. I help with making fliers, designing, marketing business. But for this next year, I want to work with something under my field or that involves literature. I looked at some non- profit publishing companies for Austen so hopefully I can find an internship there. Hopefully!

I have been so tired. I hate when that happens. Why does life make people feel like this? I literally don’t want to do anything. But I have to keep busy, summer is for laziness and relaxing. Spring and Fall not so much. I’m still running and I’m slowly seeing the progress of my work. This past week I didn’t run for three days and it killed me. I don’t think I went back to my old habits, I definitely feel really good when I run and I’ve seen some changes in my legs! I need to train more on endurance and millage.

Continue reading “Febuary: Monthy Catch Up”